i am sick

first of all..Al-Fatihah to all the six members of RMAF involved in helicopter crash on 13 July.Finally their body were found yesterday.I rushed myself from work last night just to watch the primetime news at 8. Me and my roommate were talking about it since Friday and were hoping and nearly believing that they will be found safe and alive and things turned otherwise.Today in my office the news became the hot topic to discuss first thing in the morning.I stayed up late last night just to watch the updated news from time to time..and thanks to that i managed to finish all pendings works that i kept postponing since last week..haiyoo..banyak letih woo...heheheh

so today it's been three days that i am sick..really sick that i have to take half day on the first day and pushing myself to eat all the pills etc etc...works seem to have no ending limit..(hehhee will it really end?)..seems like there are so many things to learn, so many things to adapt, so many things to do etc etc...and i really wanted to make this thing works..sometimes i'm wondering what the hell i'm doing here - surrounded by the people that seems to know what they are doing and i'm learning and running as fast as i can to be where they are right now..without neglecting the principles that i have live in my whole life...and i promise myself to try..see?..dunno what i'm babbling about...hehehheheh

miss my mum and dad a lot these days..maybe umur dah makin meningkat..ehheehhe..they will have Family day by the end of this month near Cherating..hope i can join them later..this week my turn on MOD - dunno where to start, dunno what to do etc etc...hehehe

k la..i think need to stop the babble now..adios!

Sejadah solat...

wanie told me about this and i search thru youtube right away...meremang bulu roma beb..

lupa

lately i think i've become more forgetful..dunno y in the first place..things dat i just hold suddenly became invisible to me..i cant remember where i put my pen, keys and whatsoever..heehheheh

sometimes when things like his happen i always try to recall what inds o foods that i ate or what kinds of prohibited scene that i saw.lupa sana sini.....heheeh prohibited?..dlm makna ni..sebb kalu kita tgk mende x elok or mkn mende x elok yg leh jejas kan otak..ini la akan terjadi..terlupa sana sini...

so..something to think about..

end month errands

UPDATE PAYMENT CBT 1728
UPDATE PENDING ASTRO ACCOUNT
PINDAH BRG G UMAH BARU
BWK BDK TRAINEE + 1 OFISMATE G MKN MCD
WAT KEJE UJUNG BULAN + AWAL BULAN - REPORT TU, REPORT NI - MAU NAK TERCABUT OTAK AKU..
BASUH KETE - DAH KAT 4 MG X SENTUH KETE
BALIK UMH MAK
TEMAN WANI TGK WAYANG
WANI PLAK KENA TEMAN AKU TGK SHREK 3
G SOPPING TGK BJ BARU - NoTE : JGN SESEKALI BELI KASUT

wishlist

- nak laptop tapi ongkosnya tidak ade
- digi cam
- rase cam gatal nak wat kad kredit la..
- simpan duit sket
- carpet

rase cam byk lagik tapi cukup2 la tu...haahah

searching myself

kenapa bila kita xde duit, duit yg kita cari?
kenapa bila dah ade duit, bahagia pula yg kita cari?
mase xde duit kita x bahagia ke?
bila dah ade duit rase bahagia ke?

perlu ke menjadi org lain semata2 mau disukai org lain?
mau ke menjadi diri sendiri sedangkan org mau kita menjadi org lain?
boleh ke ignore own principles semata mau menjaga air muka?
boleh ke stick pada own principles dlm keadaan org x peduli psl prinsip?
perlu ke ade own principles?

kenapa perlu dgr ckp org lain sedangkan diri sendiri sudah ade own decision?
kenapa penat2 buat keputusan tapi akhirnya ikut telunjuk org lain?
kenapa biar org tentukan hidup sendiri?
kenapa hidup sendiri org lain yg tentukan?

mana silapnya hingga dah ilang rase harga diri?
mane silapnya hingga pk diri sendiri camx guna?
mana silapnya hingga rase malu dgn diri sendiri?
mana silapnya hingga rase takut menebal dlm diri?
mana silapnya hingga hilang keyakinan diri?
mana silapnya?
mana silapnya?

am i worthless?
am i scared of losing sth i still didnt get?
am i scared of feeling emptiness inside my head?
am i scared?
scare of what?

i'm searching for myself...
not so long ago i think i am brave enough..
not so long ago i think i am confident enough..
not so long ago i think i am worth enough..
not so long ago i think i am good enough..

i think it is all fading away
what went wrong?

bebelan malam minggu

tetiba rasa rindu la kat mak n abah...padahal baru je jumpe 2 mg lepas..hheeehhe..last saturday aku call mak..mase tu still kat ofis n x balik keje lagik..suara pun dah letih..so ala2 nak memancing mak dtg cni la..hhehehe..mak ty demam ke?..aku ckp xde la...sbb duk kat ofis x blk2 lagik..ngn keje berlambak gler..bila dah menghala hujung bulan nih...training module aku x sempat2 nak sentuh sket pun..tiga2 bos aku pun tgh busy psl mende lain..so aku rase dwang tgh x igt la...tapi satgi kang kalu dwang ty bila nak start training...puas plak aku nak menjawab..hehehhe...

so this past few days tiap kali masuk briefing..i can see everything..ppl get scold everytime..i mean in a professional kind of way la..pushing here and there..i mean..welcome to a new world azura!..no more bad feelings or whatsoever..work is work..those who didnt perform will get the 'reward'...but on the last day things were getting better...things or feelings which left unsettled..is blurted out..and i think at the end of the day..everyone is satisfied with everything...well sorta..

being angry with ppl and getting angry by ppl have always been my weaknesses...i always try to avoid confrontation whenever and wherever i can..i hate confronting with others and i hate ppl confronting in front of me..but hey..who doesnt?...i'll try everything to make ppl satisfy with me..without giving them any judgement or whatsoever..but at the end of the day we cant make everybody satisfy rite?..only then i'll shut myself out...from ppl..from everyone...

so balik smula pd citer aku rindu kat mak td...heheheh..sebenarnya dah jauh menyimpang...but who cares rite?..by the end of this week i planned to go back to Kemaman..to clear everything..my television..my astro...my dishes (well some of them)..tilam and kipas...dah sebulan dah dah x menjenguk bdk2 dua org tuh..(sori ila n kak ina)..x sempat nak gi sana...i think i traveled so much this past months so rase malas sket nak drive balik sana...feeling guilty some more..to my ex-students..whom i gave up in teaching them..(i admitted to some of my frenz that i cannot let them see me anymore...teaching them..maybe they are better off without me..which i think they will)....it is so sad being hated by your own students..whom you originally loved to death..

sedap plak menaip malam2 nih..mentang2 le tumpang wireless network org..hehehhe..ye la..i barely have time to use the internet except for the mail purposes...every morning has to do the routine things..pigeon hole-fax-briefing-minutes-mails-daily work..till the end of the day...walking some more or rather running around, down or up everyday..but hey i'm not complaining...bleh sket jupe ramai org..pegi kitchen and outlets la y plg aku suke...suke tgk dwang wat keje kat situ...hehhehe

k la.. stop here..ending my babble for the day!!

have a little faith in yourself

never let anyone define whoever you are..have faith!!

SUNDAY MORNING

Sunday morning by 10am i promised my ofismate to watch them played football in front of Shahzan Inn.It is a way for me to pay back my absent last Monday when they had inter hotel football tournement in Cherating..Kinda good game...but it juz not the way i expect them to play..anyway..they won (which I think they shouldnt have..hehehehe)..so this Persatuan Singh gave us some thank you gift for accepting the invitation to play with them..and (surprisingly) gave some money also bcoz we won that game..(which i definitely think they shouldnt have..hehehe)..anyway after that i joined them to go mkn2 and lepak2 in some Kopitiam in town..so there goes my sunday morning stories...

1 month and 5 days

it's been 1 month and 5 days...new environment..new job..new people..new friends...everything is new..except that i came back to the place where i scared the most..hhehehhe...

new update?:-

first - my chris is out from AI (so sad...:(..lost my eye candy)
second - i juz saw my ex last week..(pergh...)
third - i love the new job (walaupun keje bertimbun2)
fourth - need to do something with my social night life..balik keje asik terus tido jek..smpi naik bosan..have to start something like..watching movie ke..ape ke..
fifth - a lot of my friends are either getting marriage or nak bersalin or dah ade anak skang...me?...hehheehh
sixth - still going strong with my first love - hhhehehhh

last day

today is my last day here...by monday i'll be in a new place with a new group of people...my last day here busy with marking papers and assignments..as i promised my students i'll be the one who will mark the paper...talking about the new place..i did wish that this will be the turning point of my life..this is my chance to prove whether i am capable to do so or not...so wish me luck!

IDENTITY CRISIS

i think i caught up in a situation where i no longer know who i am..who i'm supposed to be..who i wanted to be..i keep asking myself these days..whether i treat myself fairly..or the most important thing is whether i treat other people fairly..am i here for the sack of myself or other ppl?..am i being selfish by simply ignoring my own principles for the sack of fulfilling my needs?...i knew i cant do that but do i have other choice?..it seem that ppl are not also doing justice to me...i am so afraid rite now...clock is ticking every second...i'm afraid i do not have time to pull it off together...

erm...i think i need a fresh start..some different place where i can leave all the things behind..because i cant seem to forgive and forget..somewhere inside me i cant hold on much longer..

Chris Richardson - Geek in the Pink

my new crush, my new eye candy...hhaaahhhah

my new crush

ehehehhee..i knew i'll be laughing all the way..

i have a new crush..it has been a long time since i have crushes on people..and rite now my heart beats once again..hahhaahaha poyo jek..
so..i'm presenting my new crush...

CHRIS RICHARDSON

chris performing 'geek in the pink'

semalam masuk minggu yang kedua aku tgk mamat ni nyanyi..nak kata dia ade powerful voice cam josh groban tu xde la tapi suara dia best in his kind of way...mula2 aku tgk dia ni cam ala2 justin pun ade..maybe kepala dia botak kut..hhehhee mata dia plak cam kawan sydney yg dlm alias tu..aku pun x ingat nama dia..mata camni cantek..lembut jek nak tgk..cam budak2 baik jek...ehheheheeh..kalu dah suka tu..boleh la ckp mcm2 kan....
so so far 3 judges tu mmg ckp chris ni bagus la..terutamanya randy la..hehhehehe...so mintak2 la dia duk lama2 sket dlm AI..best gak tgk dia ni tiap2 mg..hehhehehh

RINDU

hari ni rase rindu la kat mak and abah..last monday aku kena teman HOD pegi DOSH Kuantan..mase on the way tu mak call kate dewang ade kat kuantan gak tgk aida..so aku pegi la jupe mak ngan abah dulu sebelum pegi DOSH..
lepas dah salam sume abah bgtau dia dah complete 3 kali rawatan utk lutut dia and he showed me his leg..i told him..i think his leg is getting thinner despite his big tough body..so dia ckp biasa la..kaki dah tua..hehehehe so coming to realize that he's actually 54 tis year..kadang2 aku tgk abah mmg still lagi kuat bekerja..cuma biasa la skang ni dia dah ade la sakit2 tu..walaupun x memudaratkan tapi aku kesian gak tgk dia..dah tua2 ni pun masih gigih bekerja..cari duit untuk anak2 dan family..kadang2 malu dengan diri sendiri br keje sket2 tapi mengeluhnya bukan main lagi...abah ngn mak pun selalu tlg aku tiap kali ade problem..tu la yg paling aku sedih tu...dah besar2 ni pun masih nyusahkan mak ngan abah lagi..aku doa sgt2 moga mak n abah dipanjang umur untuk tgk setiap anak dewang ni berjaya di dunia dan di akhirat...semoga keluarga kami dirahmati dan diberkati Allah selalu dan diberi kelapangan rezeki dan bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat...
sometimes bila aku tgk2 dan pk2 semula..x ape la kalu aku x ade sape2 kat dunia ni as long as aku ade mak dan abah...apa la sgt dugaan kehilangan org yg aku syg daripada aku hilang mak dan abah...i always promised myself to put my family before me first rather than put myself upfront....Ya Allah semoga kau panjangkan umur mak dan abah...Amin..abah n mak...words cant describe how much i love u...

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Sayin' that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

what is ur deepest fear? - coach carter

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Timo Cruz

Justin Timberlake What goes around....comes around

Justin's What Goes Around

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand

So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way

Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Can you tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around (should've known better that you were gonna make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that
What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that

Don't want to think about it (no)
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around (should've known better that you were gonna make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

[Comes Around interlude:]

Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes

You cheated girl
My heart bleeds girl
So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case
A scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy
You'll see

(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey

See?
You should've listened to me, baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Because
(What goes around comes back around)

road block

smlm aku kena amik aida kat kuantan..pegi lepas keje and maghrib tu duk lepak kat umah makcik aku kat air putih...satu bende yg aku suka sgt pegi umah makcik aku ni sbb dia sokmo masak2 sedap2 tiap kali aku dtg..tp sian ar dia sbb tiap kali aku dtg dia mesti nak msk..so smlm aku gi redah jek umah dia..sbb nnti mula la dia nak masak itu ini...heheheh so kena bebel gak ler..sbb x kasitau nak dtg...tp dlm2 duk bebel xtau nak kasi aku mkn ape tu ade gak dia suruh aku mkn pulut cicah ngn isi temosa...adeh..mane leh mkn sikit jek...dia msk sdp...plus ratah lauk ikan kerisi goreng..hehehheeh abih diet aku..hehhehe..aku mmg suka mkn ikan goreng makcik aku nih..sebb dia letak kunyit byk...best..hehheheh..eh terliur la plak..hehhehee..pastu duk la melayan anak2 dia yang suka ckp x henti2...hehhhehe riuh umah..

then aku timing la nak balik sbb aku nak tgk citer ugly betty kat umah...alih2 silap timing rupanya...mase smpai kat umah tu punya la aku yakin citer br nak start..rupanya..baru abih..hhehheheh..

on the way aku nak balik umah tu rupanya ade road block..lame gak jam..sebab byk kete..aku pun mmg yakin la lepas sbb mane ada nak takut ape2kan..sume cukup..lagipun kebanyakan kete dpan aku pun sume jpj tu lepaskan je..dah tu bila time aku dia suruh tg skjp..pastu dia pndag kawan dia..then dia tiup wisel..then dia ckp..parking tepi ye cik..ha?..mula la aku nak berdebar ni..lampu aku x nyala ke sebelah..mcm2 la..berdebar guek..pastu jpj tu tgk la lesen ngn roadtax aku..pastu dia lepaskan aku je la...heheheheh mane ade papepun..ceh..hampeh..buat den berdebar jek..

nak jadi citer aku ni sokmo sgt kena thn jpj..sokmo kena parking tepi..sokmo kena tgk lesen..tapi sokmo kena lepas jek..hehehehhe..xtau la nape..maybe dia tgk muka aku cuak kut..or dia tgk muka aku cam org br dpt lesen kut..meaning to say..muka aku cm bdk2 kut...bdk2 br dpt lesen P tapi x letak stiker P...hehehheh perasan..

esok nak balik bercuti umah mak...seronoknya...lame dah x balik umah mak..heeheh..keje mmg tgh byk..tp dlm tgh2 byk tu leh lagi tgk citer one tree hill kat internet..heheheeh..menggunakan segala kemudahan le sgt...jht gak aku nih..hehehe..

p/s 'keep holding on'

busy busy

arini start kelas..so basically aku kena ngajo budak junior, separuh senior and yg paling senior...bdk2 junior biasa la bdk baru so ape yg kita ckp dwang akan dgr la..campur lagi dwang nyer semangat nak belajar tgh tinggi cam langit...bdk2 separuh senior ni pun bese la..dulu dah ade pengalaman ngajo dwang sem ni kena ajo lagik...perangai tetap sama je..tapi aku janji ngan diri aku keadaan akan jadi lebih baik dr dulu..tis also a challenge for me untuk tgk aku tahan lagi x ngajo bdk2 ni..bdk2 senior aku mmg xpenah ajo ler..so sem ni subject yg nak kena ajo dwang pun subject baru so takut gak la...arini kelas sederet dr pagi smpai petang..letih den...
keje berlambak nak kena sipkan...attendance bdk2 pun aku x kuarkan lagik...printer ni tah biler nak ok aku pun x tau..spoil tul skang...susah nak pegi print sana sini...hehheeh x baik merungut2..nnti keje x berkat lak...hehhhe..ari khamis nak balik cuti raya cina..leh lepak lame kat umah mak..hheheheh aku skali skala balik tenangkan fikiran..eceh..tah mende yg aku nak tenangkan pun x tau ar...
life ok...

wish list

work nowadays is quite busy...i have to prepare all the modules as the class is going to start this week..plus i have to teach new subject for tis semester..i really started to enjoy my work here..not that i didnt enjoy it before but tis time around i kinda like it more than before hehhehhe....
my life is ok..sometimes i felt like i had a very boring life but hey..it's only boring if you want it to..hehhehehe i promised to have more selfworth of myself and love myself first before i can love other people..
i actually have my new year resolution or wishlist and i know it's been 1 month + 11 days but i still want to list it down here anywhere..:)

- tis year i wish to be a better servant of Allah
- tis year i wish to be brave. Brave enough to voice out my opinion and brave enough to stand up for my own principles
- tis year i wish to save more
- tis year i wish for a better career. all tis while i've been putting all my energy to search for something more out there, that maybe in a slight opportunity i overlooked what i can achieved here. so i'm going to give it a try and give the best of me
- tis year i wish for love. i wish it will come again and i promised myself that i will not let myself to be consumed by those feelings all over me. i have learned how to put where my limits are.

so..we'll see how many that will happen up until next year..gud luck to u azura!

Kegagahan Wanita

Kegagahan seorang wanita bukan kepada pejal otot badan, tetapi pada kekuatan perasaan. Perempuan yang gagah, adalah :-

1)Perempuan yang tahan menerima sebuah kehilangan
2)Perempuan yang tidak takut pada kemiskinan
3)Perempuan yang tabah menangung kerinduan setelah ditinggalkan
4)Perempuan yang tidak meminta-minta agar di penuhi segala keinginan

Gagahkah kita?

my true love...naley

Nathan and Haley's Lovestory - video powered by Metacafe

what is L.O.V.E?

i had a chat with our chairman yesterday in the pantry..i rarely talk to him coz i was considered as newbie here..so ngn org lain dia mmg bese tegur2 ar..ngn aku ni cuma ckp2 gtu je...so td mase borak ramai2 mmg kuar ar topic bab kawen2 + boyfriend + bla bla etc...hheheheh bese la tu dia mmg suka ngusik staff2 pempuan kat sini pasal bab2 ni..and then suddenly dia ty la kat aku?WHAT IS LOVE?...aku pun jawab la...'it's about accepting the other party for whoever and whatever he is...bla bla bla..etc'..hehehhheeh..tp dia terus cross ckp aku..'if that's what people believe what love is they are willing to give everything to the man..including ur body'..ha..that just really strike me..betul gak boss aku ckp ni..'coz love itself is blind'..he continued..u will do anything for love..u dont care what other people might say bla bla + etc..trust me..hehhhehee..
pastu macam2 la kate yg dia ckp...yg membuatkan aku terpikir sejenak...eceh..poyo jek aku nih...ehhehehe

one of the things that my parents taught me is being independent..after i finished my primary school aku terus kena antar masuk asrama..mase tu Allah je la yg tau ape perasaan aku..mmg la kat luar aku ni nmpak cm ganas..kuat..keras kepala..keras ati..bla bla..tp bila dah duk jauh tu..mau nak nangis ari2...tapi cuma mase tu aku pk..klu aku wat perangai contohnya lari dr asrama ke ape ke..nak mintak pindah sekolah biasa semula ke ape ke..sume tu require mase, duit, cuti ayah aku, duit minyak, letih, bla bla etc..buleh malukan mak ayah lagi ke ape ke..sian la mak ayah aku..sian dewang anto aku jauh2 masuk sekolah asrama beli mcm2 brg kelengkapan..sume la..so aku decide nak senyapkan je mulut aku...tapi kalu ikut ati mau aku lari dah..menangis tiap2 ari ke, x makan tiap ari ke..hehhehe ..benda2 ni sume berterusan sampai aku masuk u n everything..aku mmg belajar la idup berdikari ni..tapi kadang2 nak gak nangis..sebb pk2 balik x byk quality time yg aku spend bersama ngn mak n abah..skang dah keje lagi la..duk umah sendiri dah...kena byr bil+sewa sendiri le..x sempat nak betul2 bermanja ngn mak ngn abah..tapi aku selalu tanam dlm ati that everything happens to us pasti ade hikmahnya..kita dlm process belajar mengenai kehidupan ni..so bese la mcm2 la yg kita kena hadapi...hehhehehe aku ni dah byk melalut ni..ape kaitan ngn tajuk entry aku nih..nnti jap aku cek...

so part of being an independent person, i have to look out for myself...mak n abah dah beri kepercayan untuk buat decision sendiri bla bla ..etc..and dewang trust aku untuk pandai2 jaga diri..dewang tau anak dewang tau bezakan antara baik ngn buruk.bla bla..etc..tapi living in tis world yg penuh pancaroba..eceh..macam2 la godaan yg dtg..and bukan sume yg aku boleh tahan..kdg2 terlalai gak aku untuk seketika..heheehe contohnya..mak sokmo pesan jgn boros...tapi kdg2 aku terboros gak..beli tu beli ni..mane leh tahan beb..kadang2 bila ade duit ni..mula la nak beli mcm2..kdg2 benda yg aku x penah terpikir nak beli pun aku beli gak...heheheh tapi aku bukan nak citer psl godaan dlm berbelanja ni untuk entry kali ni...

part of being able to take care of ourselves, we as human will create our own principles as a guideline for us..so selagi kita ikut those principles insya Allah kita buleh jaga diri kita..ok..dlm mencipta principles ni aku rase xde betul xde salah..as long as our principles ni x lari dari ajaran agama kita kira ok la tu...hehehhe..so seumur hidup aku ni..mcm2 la prinsip yg aku cipta and ade...kdg2 aku ikut..kdg aku x ikut..hhehheh tapi selalunya bab2 hukum halal haram memang aku ikut la..mane leh x ikut..hehhehehe

so berbalik semula pada kenyataan boss aku yg kat atas td psl 'willing to do anything and to give everything to the other party because of love'...aku pk2 balik..mmg bahaya la cinta ni kalu kita x pandai jg diri..and sometimes mase ni la baru kita dpt tau sejauh mana kekuatan diri kita..ye la..kalu bab syg ni mmg kita sanggup la wat ape saje..kalu kita x kuat mcm2 la boleh jd..so i'm sure i got my lesson learned dlm bab menilai erti2 cinta nih..eceh....and thank to Allah i never go beyond the limit..nauzubillah..kalu bercinta ni lagi byk bwk keburukan pada diri aku, aku bersyukur sbb Allah tarik nikmat bercinta tu dr aku pada mase aku tgh alpa..sbb masa kita alpa ni la bila dtg bende2 yg buruk baru kita akan teringat semula..baru la kita berpijak kembali ke bumi yg nyata...n macam2 la kita buleh belajar dr setiap kesilapan kita ni..

so dari ape yg kitorg bincangkan semalam aku dpt buat satu kesimpulan la dlm bab bercinta ni..love is when u will never give urself up to the person that u love..love is when that person accepts u for whoever u are..love is when u dont have to be someone else that you're not but someone you are..dan macam2 lagi la..hehhehe..tp ni je yg ade dlm kepala aku skang..ok la..smpi sini dulu..so long, for now..

p/s: ari ni nak gi tdo kuantan..gaji dah masuk ni mula la nak beli macam2...hhehehhe tgk?....godaan sudah dtg..hehehhee

basuh umah

semalam pegi basuh umah baru..baru je 2 bulan lepas pindah..alih2 bulan ni kena pindah sekali lagik..adeh..letih eden..nak wat camne..pakcik tuan umah tu kata anak dia nak umah tu semula..naseb baik dia tolong carikan umah..murah sket dari umah aritu..so x pe la...tapi duit la..kena kuar lagi bulan nih...nak cabut and pasang astro lagik..adeh..letih den..

so lepas maghrib smlm aku ngn konco2 aku gi la menapak basuh umah baru...memang ler letih tapi best gak wat gotong royong ramai2 nih...basuh smpi tgh malam pastu tetibe rase lapor giler..aku pun ape lagik..balik umah melahap nasi ayam ngn kak ina..kak ina ni mmg best arr..dia mmg geng makan aku...kalu tiap kali aku tanya.."kak..lapor x?"...jawapan dia x penahnye tidak...asyik ye je manjang..heheeehh...so tiap kali aku nak makan jek mesti ade geng..tapi time dia nak mkn belum tentu dia ade geng...hhehe ape-ape je lah ek kak..u're still the best!!

bila dah lepas basuh tu..nampak la cam berseri sket umah..hehhe nampak sket cam umah org pempuan..kalu x xtau ler cam umah saper..hehehhe..hati pun rase cam berkobar2 je nak pindah..tgl nak beli tikar getah dulu je..so ujung minggu ni nak angkut barang...petang kang nak gi basuh n kemas2 sket depan umah...smlm cermin sliding door yg bhgn depan tu kitorg x cuci lagi..cermin bilik aku pun aku x cuci lagik...so petang kang nak bereskan sume skali...mlm baru nak kemas brg...tapi nak kemas pinggan mangkuk tu le lemah semangat aku...hehhehh nnti nak kena pegang slow2 la...x leh ganas2 la..hehhheeh aku dah la nak wat keje cepat...letih den..

semalam tgh hari mak ngn abah dtg..kaklong ade interview kat beserah smlm so dwang dtg skali ke sini tgk aku..bila dah jupe mak ngn abah ni mula ler ati jadi sayu...dah dekat sebulan lebih la aku x balik..rindu gler kat mak ngn abah...dah ler aku sokmo nyusahkan dewang..ni besar2 ni pun sokmo susahkan dewang lagi..sedih aku...hehehhheh sorry mak n abah..i'm trying to be the best..bless me please..;) u knew i luv u guys so much..more than i luv anything in tis world..

kete plak skang ni cam merajuk jek ngn aku...hehhehh..agaknya aku dah jrg bwk kut...ataupun aku dah x berapa hirau sgt..aritu lampu reverse sebelah kiri dah terbakar..skang ni yg blah kiri plak..lampu kat bonet dlm kereta pun dah terbakar..xtau la..usia baru setahun jagung..eceh..hehheh..tu la org kate kalu beli proton ni lepas setahun ke dua tahun ke pakai mula la dia...pastu masa aku bwk keta pun cam ade bunyi x best..x tau le kat aircond ke ape ke..aku pun x gi servis lagik tuh..tapi walu mcm mana pun keadaan kete tu...dia tetap cinta pertama aku..hehhhhe..syg gilos beb kat kete tu..byk dah budi dia..hhehee aritu masa first time aku 'ter'
scratch kan kete tu kat pintu pagar..rasa nak putus jantung pun ade...hehhehe x tdo mlm aku...pastu kali kedua plak kena divider kat longkang..adehhh...puas aku mikir nak ckp ape kat abah...takut beb...ayah aku tu mate dia cam clark kent pun ade...small spot pun dia leh perasan...hhehheh..last2 skali dia ckp cmni..'maknenya x pandai lagi la bwk kete'..adehh pedih gak telinga dengar...tercabar beb..ayah aku nih bukan selalu komen aku depan2...tapi sekali dia komen mmg pedih la telinga aku dgr..hehehehhee..

my precious...

kilat beb..hehehhe buleh wat cermin ..hehehe

fresh start

kinda deleted my old blog...duno why i deleted it in the first place but i guess i'm juz looking 4 a new fresh start..tamau dah igt mende2 yg dah lepas...it's life..i have to deal with it..it is not life if it is without any obstacles..hehhhee..so really looking foward to a good year ahead..insya Allah