end month errands

UPDATE PAYMENT CBT 1728
UPDATE PENDING ASTRO ACCOUNT
PINDAH BRG G UMAH BARU
BWK BDK TRAINEE + 1 OFISMATE G MKN MCD
WAT KEJE UJUNG BULAN + AWAL BULAN - REPORT TU, REPORT NI - MAU NAK TERCABUT OTAK AKU..
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TEMAN WANI TGK WAYANG
WANI PLAK KENA TEMAN AKU TGK SHREK 3
G SOPPING TGK BJ BARU - NoTE : JGN SESEKALI BELI KASUT

wishlist

- nak laptop tapi ongkosnya tidak ade
- digi cam
- rase cam gatal nak wat kad kredit la..
- simpan duit sket
- carpet

rase cam byk lagik tapi cukup2 la tu...haahah

searching myself

kenapa bila kita xde duit, duit yg kita cari?
kenapa bila dah ade duit, bahagia pula yg kita cari?
mase xde duit kita x bahagia ke?
bila dah ade duit rase bahagia ke?

perlu ke menjadi org lain semata2 mau disukai org lain?
mau ke menjadi diri sendiri sedangkan org mau kita menjadi org lain?
boleh ke ignore own principles semata mau menjaga air muka?
boleh ke stick pada own principles dlm keadaan org x peduli psl prinsip?
perlu ke ade own principles?

kenapa perlu dgr ckp org lain sedangkan diri sendiri sudah ade own decision?
kenapa penat2 buat keputusan tapi akhirnya ikut telunjuk org lain?
kenapa biar org tentukan hidup sendiri?
kenapa hidup sendiri org lain yg tentukan?

mana silapnya hingga dah ilang rase harga diri?
mane silapnya hingga pk diri sendiri camx guna?
mana silapnya hingga rase malu dgn diri sendiri?
mana silapnya hingga rase takut menebal dlm diri?
mana silapnya hingga hilang keyakinan diri?
mana silapnya?
mana silapnya?

am i worthless?
am i scared of losing sth i still didnt get?
am i scared of feeling emptiness inside my head?
am i scared?
scare of what?

i'm searching for myself...
not so long ago i think i am brave enough..
not so long ago i think i am confident enough..
not so long ago i think i am worth enough..
not so long ago i think i am good enough..

i think it is all fading away
what went wrong?

bebelan malam minggu

tetiba rasa rindu la kat mak n abah...padahal baru je jumpe 2 mg lepas..hheeehhe..last saturday aku call mak..mase tu still kat ofis n x balik keje lagik..suara pun dah letih..so ala2 nak memancing mak dtg cni la..hhehehe..mak ty demam ke?..aku ckp xde la...sbb duk kat ofis x blk2 lagik..ngn keje berlambak gler..bila dah menghala hujung bulan nih...training module aku x sempat2 nak sentuh sket pun..tiga2 bos aku pun tgh busy psl mende lain..so aku rase dwang tgh x igt la...tapi satgi kang kalu dwang ty bila nak start training...puas plak aku nak menjawab..hehehhe...

so this past few days tiap kali masuk briefing..i can see everything..ppl get scold everytime..i mean in a professional kind of way la..pushing here and there..i mean..welcome to a new world azura!..no more bad feelings or whatsoever..work is work..those who didnt perform will get the 'reward'...but on the last day things were getting better...things or feelings which left unsettled..is blurted out..and i think at the end of the day..everyone is satisfied with everything...well sorta..

being angry with ppl and getting angry by ppl have always been my weaknesses...i always try to avoid confrontation whenever and wherever i can..i hate confronting with others and i hate ppl confronting in front of me..but hey..who doesnt?...i'll try everything to make ppl satisfy with me..without giving them any judgement or whatsoever..but at the end of the day we cant make everybody satisfy rite?..only then i'll shut myself out...from ppl..from everyone...

so balik smula pd citer aku rindu kat mak td...heheheh..sebenarnya dah jauh menyimpang...but who cares rite?..by the end of this week i planned to go back to Kemaman..to clear everything..my television..my astro...my dishes (well some of them)..tilam and kipas...dah sebulan dah dah x menjenguk bdk2 dua org tuh..(sori ila n kak ina)..x sempat nak gi sana...i think i traveled so much this past months so rase malas sket nak drive balik sana...feeling guilty some more..to my ex-students..whom i gave up in teaching them..(i admitted to some of my frenz that i cannot let them see me anymore...teaching them..maybe they are better off without me..which i think they will)....it is so sad being hated by your own students..whom you originally loved to death..

sedap plak menaip malam2 nih..mentang2 le tumpang wireless network org..hehehhe..ye la..i barely have time to use the internet except for the mail purposes...every morning has to do the routine things..pigeon hole-fax-briefing-minutes-mails-daily work..till the end of the day...walking some more or rather running around, down or up everyday..but hey i'm not complaining...bleh sket jupe ramai org..pegi kitchen and outlets la y plg aku suke...suke tgk dwang wat keje kat situ...hehhehe

k la.. stop here..ending my babble for the day!!

have a little faith in yourself

never let anyone define whoever you are..have faith!!

SUNDAY MORNING

Sunday morning by 10am i promised my ofismate to watch them played football in front of Shahzan Inn.It is a way for me to pay back my absent last Monday when they had inter hotel football tournement in Cherating..Kinda good game...but it juz not the way i expect them to play..anyway..they won (which I think they shouldnt have..hehehehe)..so this Persatuan Singh gave us some thank you gift for accepting the invitation to play with them..and (surprisingly) gave some money also bcoz we won that game..(which i definitely think they shouldnt have..hehehe)..anyway after that i joined them to go mkn2 and lepak2 in some Kopitiam in town..so there goes my sunday morning stories...

1 month and 5 days

it's been 1 month and 5 days...new environment..new job..new people..new friends...everything is new..except that i came back to the place where i scared the most..hhehehhe...

new update?:-

first - my chris is out from AI (so sad...:(..lost my eye candy)
second - i juz saw my ex last week..(pergh...)
third - i love the new job (walaupun keje bertimbun2)
fourth - need to do something with my social night life..balik keje asik terus tido jek..smpi naik bosan..have to start something like..watching movie ke..ape ke..
fifth - a lot of my friends are either getting marriage or nak bersalin or dah ade anak skang...me?...hehheehh
sixth - still going strong with my first love - hhhehehhh